


A World Asunder

by Dell_Anne_Raye



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Andrastians, Circle of Magi, Darkspawn, F/M, Fifth Blight, First Love, Gen, Grey Wardens, Loss of Faith, Lost Love, Mages and Templars, Moral Dilemmas, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religious Conflict, Seekers, Slow Burn, Thedas, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-24 16:17:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6159415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dell_Anne_Raye/pseuds/Dell_Anne_Raye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solana Amell lived most of her life in the Circle tower, Events leading to the fifth blight would change her, and the world around her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One mage and One Templar in a world tearing itself apart

**Author's Note:**

> **I will be adding to this as I write**

__

_**In many ways, it could be said that they had come of age together inside these confines of the ferelden circle tower. These two who were on opposing sides of the chantry and mage divide. He being a devout loyal Templar Knight in service to the Chantry. Her a prisoner due to the gift or curse she'd been born with, that of magic. How ironic that these two would bridge the gap that threatened to tear Thedas apart at the very seams.** _

_**Ser Cullen Rutherford had given himself body, mind, and soul to the Templar order. He'd arrived at the tower at the tender age of thirteen to begin his training. Unlike Solana Amell he had chosen this path, whereas she had been taken from her family at the age of eight and given to the circle, she'd been born to a noble family. However, nobility would not shield her from the fear of magic. Solana had spent most of her life within the confines of the circle, it became her home, family and her whole life. Fellow mages were like family members to her, thus the life of those cursed to be born with magic. She'd always been a little wild, funny but very studious. She took her studies in healing magic’s very seriously.** _

__

_**Throughout the history of Thedas Magic played a role in so many nations rises and falls. It had become a source of evil in some while many chose to be honorable. Too often mages turned to the forbidden arts of blood magic to either control other or defend themselves. Yet history would more often than not remember the few bad rather than the many honorable, noble souls. By far contrast Templars were revered, save for the Grey Wardens, Who were tasked with defeating blights when dark spawn and an arch demon would threaten. Those who volunteered to join the Grey wardens sacrificed all to keep Thedas safe. How fitting that both would play their parts in aiding a task such as this.** _

__

_**Over the years serving the Templars, Cullen had accepted that he was tasked with protecting mages from the world as much as he was tasked with protecting the world from mages. He'd never approved of the Knight Commanders strictness over their charges, rarely were the mages allowed to leave the tower. Most everywhere they went through the tower they were shadowed by Templars. He'd seen some of his fellow Templar's abusing mages, taking advantage of them. He'd chosen to serve with dignity. The Templars were cautioned against becoming friends with** mages **, it had been strictly forbidden for them to marry, date or fall in love with their charges, not that many didn’t do it, it was the worst kept secret of any circle of magi. So Cullen had resigned himself to a life of celibacy, servitude to the maker, the chantry and the divine. Alas one's heart cannot be told it cannot love, desire and yearn. Thus, here we begin our tale, that of a simple** mage **, a Templar and a world falling apart.**_

__

_**“You can’t say that** its **right you know, I mean mages should be able to marry too” Anders sat next to him as he read in the circle library.**_

_**“I’ve never heard or read any place where Andraste or the maker even forbade marriage for mages. My personal view on this matter Anders doesn’t matter, I am but a Templar who serves Andraste and the Maker” Ser Cullen Rutherford Calmly replied he’d repeated this many times to Anders a problematic mage who had a tendency for escaping and protesting the Templar order. “Templars are not forbidden to marry, however, we are forbidden from having relationships that are intimate with mages.” He concluded as he rather miserably tried to look busy to avoid further discussion on the matter. This was not a subject he enjoyed speaking of. But Anders was not the type of** mage **to let it go.**_

_**“Honestly Cullen, You can’t say you’ve never given it a thought or two. We’ve all seen how you look at Solana. It’s not a secret you fancy her, so why would it be so wrong for the two of you to marry?” Anders replied as he thumbed through a text on elven healing magic’s, he’d obviously read many times. Leaning back in his chair he tried to gage how the Templar would respond, maybe putting how he felt for Solana was a bit far but he felt he must make his point. Cullen was a young Templar to the order, maybe there could be hope for change.** _

_**“Maker’s breath, how would you know how I feel?” Cullen shot back at Anders trying to hide the redness of his blushing, how could everyone possibly know? He thought to himself as he tried to even his temper. “Even if I were to entertain the thought that you are leaping to, it’s forbidden. Therefore, it can never happen.” He retorted. It had been true since he’d been assigned to the younger Apprentice dorms he’d noticed her. It was hard not to. Even had she not been born into magic, it would be improper for him to conduct a relationship with her? She’d been born into nobility, The Amell family from Kirkwall in the Free Marches. So had she not been a mage she’d still be forbidden to him.** _

_**“Lie to yourself if it makes you feel better Cullen, but the way you look after her betrays the words you’re saying” Anders stated. “Sad thing is you like her, she likes you we all know it and you two seem to act as if neither of you knows about the other. Life’s too short to live that way if you ask me”** _

_**“What would you have me say? That the thought has never come to mind? That I don’t think about it? We cannot change the rules Anders, we must follow them” Cullen sank back into the wooden chair as he tried to clear his mind, seriously he had to bring her up. It’s not like he didn’t already have a hard enough time getting to sleep with his own thoughts of Solana, now Anders had to bring up the one thing, or person he could not have.** _

_**“You’re wrong, we can change the rules. It just takes determination, will, and heart” Anders said matter of factly. Yeah using Solana was a mistake, he’d managed to piss off the one Templar that actually treated them as if they were humans. “On a great roll Anders,” he thought to himself.** _

_**“Why bridge this with me? I can do nothing to change these rules. Are you going to single-handedly take on the entire Chantry, Templar order, and Divine?” Cullen asked really wishing the Knight Commander had given him any other duty than watching Anders tonight. “If you want to go on a crusade then so be it, but you’ll find that few Templars will risk the wrath of the Chantry, or that of the Seekers” He sighed closing his eyes, how long since he’d actually had a restful sleep? Too long he thought to himself.** _

_**“You did realize she is quite fond of you too right?” Anders quipped certain the young Templar had no idea. Yep he was on a roll at this point, he thought to himself. Yep, any minute Cullen was bound to have him put in solitary he thought as he ran his fingers through his dark blonde hair.** _   
_**A lulled silence fell over the two as Cullen sighed deeply, leaned over and let his forehead hit the reading desk. “Makers sake, you’re not going to let this go are you? I’m sure you’re misreading her. Trust me she’s not interested in me at all.” He exhaustedly replied not even bothering to lift his head up, hiding the grin on his face from the revelation that she had also liked him.**_

_**“How would you know that**_ anyways _ **?” He’d asked before he’d had the chance to stop himself.**_

_**“What you don’t think her and I talk? She’s told me. Trust me, she likes you. Although I can’t see why” Anders grinned as he relayed to Cullen what Solana had told him, she was going to kill him if she found out but hey it was nothing worse than what the Templars already wanted to do he’d figured. “Why do you think she brings you cookies at night?”** _

_**“Makers breath I’m in trouble” Cullen pulled his head up and replied, “Yeah I’m in trouble.”** _

_**“Now that’s an honest depiction Ser Knight” Anders began laughing.** _   
_**“I don’t know how you find this funny Anders, it’s not,” Cullen responded trying to stifle his own chuckle. “I’m sure you find this very amusing”**_

__

_**“What a mighty Templar blushing, grinning and unable to hide how he feels? Who me?” A huge grin forming on Anders face as he replied” Yes It’s quite amusing if I say so myself. You have no idea how often I see this from Solana” Anders said leaning forward letting out a full-bodied laugh now. “Like I said you like each other and happen to be the only two people in Thedas that don’t know it. So yes I find it very amusing”** _

_**“Alright then if she’s told you how she feels, then what has she said?” Cullen inquired of the mage who was thoroughly enjoying himself now.** _

_**“Well, ah... For one, your ears turn red when you blush she says” Anders managed to stammer out a reply in between his laughter. “Trust me, she’s said plenty.”** _

_**“My ears do not blush!” Cullen exclaimed** _

_**“If you say so” came Anders hearty reply through fits of rolling laughter now. This was too entertaining, he’d never seen a fight harder than that of Cullen battling his inner feelings, and his role as a Templar. “So brave knight, when are you going to tell you actually love her?”** _

_**“Hell, I can barely manage to talk to her as it is” He replied before he realized he’d admitted how he truly felt. “Not a word Anders I mean it” he added as he drug his fingers through his Golden blonde curly hair.” Not a damn word”.** _

_**“I hope you know the point of being in love is actually professing said feelings to the one you care about right?” Anders asked a bit more seriously than before. At this rate, he was starting to feel rather sorry for Cullen. He actually was beginning to wonder if this Templar had lived just as much of a sheltered life as the** mages **in his charge.**_

_**“I get it, it’s just not that easy. Trust me it’s on the tip of my tongue then the next thing I know I’m the stammering fool as she’s walking away” He answered realizing that perhaps the lack of sleep had made it easier for Anders to get information from him. He felt an ease, though, finally telling someone, maker knows he couldn’t confide in another Templar they’d have him shipped off to the shittiest post of all. “I can see it now, you’re going to run right to her and tell her everything aren’t you?”** _

_**“Well, the way I see it is if I don’t you two are going to be doing this dance the rest of your lives” Leaning back and staring at the ceiling he replied” It’s rather painful to watch you know? I mean you’ve known her what 6 years now?”** _

_**“Right, so declare this and then what? Go to the knight commander and ask permission to take her on a date?” A sarcastic reply followed** _   
_**“I can see it now Anders. We’ll hold the first of many Mage/Templar weddings right here in the tower, the highlight of the season Pft…” He couldn’t have this conversation anymore, he didn’t even care if Anders did go and tell Solana maybe it would be best.**_

_**“Well Anders I think you’d better head back to your rooms, I’ve got to get some sleep,” Cullen said as he heaved his tired frame up from the chair and headed toward his own quarters.** _

_**“Right, see you later Cullen” Anders called back as he headed towards his own room wondering how a conversation about** mage **rights turned into a conversation about the growing infatuation between Cullen and Solana.**_

_**Solana Amell had been born into nobility that would have made for a fine life had she not also shown magic abilities.** _


	2. The spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating as I can

**Solana Amell had been born into nobility that would have made for a fine life had she not also shown magic abilities. At a young age, she’d been given as** a ward **to the circle of magi. She knew her teachers better than her own parents. Her fellow mages were like siblings. Unlike her own siblings. As a mage, she’d lived a very sheltered life, never had a boyfriend or even kissed a boy, so it was only natural that when Ser Cullen had been assigned to her dorms she had a growing fascination with this young Templar. He was her age, but quiet in a kind way. He never treated any** mages **like the other Templars did. He was Muscular, Tall and had rugged good looks, but she liked his smile. She did her best to avoid eye contact with him, not an easy thing in a tower of mages and Templars. The few times he spoke to Solana he showed her every courtesy one would to a noble woman, which here was quite refreshing, odd but refreshing.**

**On a late evening, she had been studying in the circle library and lost track of time, one of the older Templars came in saw her and began yelling at her. “Get back to your dorms! Lights out mean lights out damn it!” he yelled at her as he backhanded her crossed the face. She fell into the bookcase hard from the smack with his gauntleted hand. “Get up” he kept yelling as he rushed towards her as if he were going to hit her again.**

**“Get away from her Ser!” Another yell came from the doorway, it was Cullen, and she was shocked to see him unsheathing his sword as he approached Ser Conway. “We do not abuse our charges”**

**“She violated the rules, she’s possessed.” Conway began to step** backwards **.**  
 **“You lie, I saw the whole thing, and she was here to study. On Irving’s orders.” Cullen set his jaw as he came closer to Conway “He sent me here to accompany Miss Amell while she studied for her Harrowing” He calmly replied as he reached one hand down to aid Solana in getting up, never taking his eyes off Conway. “I suggest you leave now.”**

**Cullen kept her behind him with his free hand until Conway had left and closed the library doors. Turning to her as he sheathed his sword he asked her “Are you alright? Irving did send me, I am sorry that I was a bit late.” He freed his hand from his glove to wipe away her tears and check to see if she had been injured “We should get Anders here to check this” He stammered realizing he may have gone too far.**

**“It’s fine, a cracked lip is all. Nothing I’m not used to around here” she replied trying to hide her tears as they fell.**   
**“You have my word I will report this to the Knight Commander Miss,” he said softly looking into her eyes “This will not go unanswered.” It seemed like they stared at each other for a long time until they heard Anders.**   
**“Solana, are you hurt? Let me take a look” Anders came running over worried. “Bloody Templars” He’d cursed under his breath forgetting altogether that Cullen was, in fact, a Templar. “Sorry, no offense mate”.**

**“None** taken **Anders” He chuckled as he replied. Finding his gaze oddly fixated on her, she seemed so fragile, scared and all he could think was that he needed to protect her, keep her safe from this hatred that some of his fellow Templars had within.” She going to be alright Anders” He asked finally looking down at Anders pulling healing potions out of his bag.**  
 **“She’ll be fine, just a little something to take the pain away and some herbs to aid the healing. Can’t have a scar on that gorgeous smile” Anders replied.**

**“No we can’t have that,” Cullen found himself replying as he sat on an adjacent desk and began running his hands through his Hair. Trying to calm down his nerves, he’d shocked himself at how quickly he’d come to her aid. How the anger flared in him at the site of Conway hitting her. Most of all how he’d seemingly been lost her eyes, and she’d given the same look. Maybe he was imaging it, maybe it was just the situation, but he was certain that she’d felt it too.**

**Closing his eyes he calmed his breathing, before getting up to walk over towards to two** mages **busy with putting the potions back into Anders bag.**

**“Did you want to continue to study Miss Amell?” Regaining some of his composure Cullen asked.**   
**“No, but can you help me to my room please?” Solana Smiled back at him.**   
**“Certainly,” He replied as he reached one hand around her waist and the other under her knees and picked her up with ease. “I’ll be right back Anders, no running off alright” He joked as he carried her towards her dorms. Trying his best not to look into her sea green eyes, each time he did, his heart felt like it stopped, he couldn’t breathe and it seemed as if time stopped.**   
**She felt comfortable in his embrace as he gingerly carried her to her room, He placed her on her bed. Their eyes locked as he stood up.” Should you need anything you just have to ask” he said with his shy schoolboy smile.**

**“Thank you, Cullen, for everything I mean it” Solana replied sleepily.**   
**“It was my pleasure” in a husky whisper he replied as he left her room.**

**Walking towards the library he braced himself for the inevitable conversation that was going to take place with Anders. He knew he’d bring up the looks, but most of all how he’d defended a mage against a fellow Templar. Yet he found he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, she’d actually stared right back at him, it was a short moment, but without words said more than any book in this library could say. She liked him. His feelings were returned. Cullen knew he may be naive about love, but he knew what he’d seen in her eyes. He’d seen the surprise in her eyes when she felt his hand touch her face when he wiped away her tears. He’d seen her have to catch her breath as he did.**

**She lay there trying to sleep for the longest time. She had too much on her mind. Why had he jumped in so quick? How far would Cullen have gone to protect her?**  
 **When their eyes had connected for that one moment nothing else mattered, not the circle, not the templars not even the blight. All she could feel was the warmth from his soft amber eyes as he had promised her that it wouldn't go unanswered. She was sleepy but her heart and mind wouldn't let her sleep. Each time she closed her eyes she saw his face, his smile, felt his touch that seems to burn to her very soul. Restlessly she picked up the book she'd been reading, anything to take her mind off this whole thing,** whatever **it was.**

**Over the next few days, she’d found herself daydreaming more, forgetting what she’d been doing and staring at Cullen when he wasn’t looking. Growing ever more curious about him, why he’d acted as he did. Most Templars would have ignored Conway’s attack. Gone on about their routine. But he didn’t, he risked a lot to stand up for her, a mage.**


	3. This fear

**_ Chapter 3: This Fear _ **

**Cullen tried to busy himself with tasks to keep from thinking about that night, and her. Maker knows it wasn’t working, He kept looking her way, catching her looking at him. This was not working at all. At night he found himself unable to sleep, his mind ran away from him. “Get a grip man, you’re a damned Templar!” He shot up out of his bed** one-night **thinking. He paced the floor in his small room several times ending up at the window staring out at Lake Calenhad, the mist rising slowly from the lake below. His imagination began wondering off again, the familiar daydream. Where Solana wasn’t a mage, he wasn’t a Templar and they lived somewhere other than here. Perhaps his hometown of Honnaleath, in a perfect world maker knows there wouldn’t be these rules that divide people. Maybe in another time, another world He’d be brave enough to tell her how he had felt. How he wanted to know her.**

**“Maker preserve me!” he sighed running a hand through his curly golden locks, sure he’d flirted with women before. Not that he’d been that good at it. Though for the most part he’d devoted his every waking moment to the order and to serving the Chantry. Now for the first time, he began wondering if maybe he should leave the order, start a new life somewhere away from this place. Maybe forget her, forget her sparkling eyes, her beaming smile. Her velvet voice, that silken skin, sighing he came to the realization that there would be no forgetting her.**

**Solana had been studying late again she was due to take her harrowing soon. As she read late one night Cullen walked in the library, “Conway I’m here to relieve you.” He announced firmly walking towards the desk where she sat he kept a firm gaze on Conway as he walked away. He didn’t trust him no matter.**

**“Pardon the intrusion Miss Amell, Irving sent me so that Ser Conway would not be alone with you.” His tone soft and soothing as he took a seat next to her.**

**“Thank you, Cullen, I’m glad you’re here… I mean I’d rather not be alone with him” she stammered out, realizing she’d just admitted that she was glad he was there “I’m sorry to be keeping you up so late” she smiled shyly at him.**

**“Take your time Solana, it’s my pleasure and honor to accompany you” he smiled back at her. “How goes the studying?” he asked her hoping she’d not caught onto the reddening of his cheeks or his ragged breathing from their closeness.**

**“I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be prepared,” she sighed as she leaned back in the chair. “I mean I’m scared. If I fail they’ll kill me, I didn’t choose this magic, I’d much rather be home with my family.” She told him as she tried holding back her tears. “But if I’m to have this affliction, then I’d rather use it for good and be a healer”**

**“Don’t doubt yourself” he soothed reaching out his hand to take hers. He’d not worn his armor tonight, just a loose linen shirt and his leather pants. “You’re a very talented mage, maker willing you will come out of this test victorious. It’s a valiant, and noble idea to use your gift to help those in need” he looked her in her sea green eyes, still holding her hand gently in his. For several moments they sat like this holding hands, trading telling looks across the oaken desk that separated them for the most part. Gone for a moment was his nervousness, replaced by the pounding of his heart in his chest.**

**“Cullen, can we take a walk by the lake?” She asked him “I mean just to get some air, please” she gazed at him thinking her heart would beat out of her chest, not wanting to break their limited contact.**

**Smiling he replied to her “That sounds like a good idea” slowly and reluctantly he let her hand go and stood up. He offered her his hand as she began to stand up.**

**“Thank you again” gingerly she replied as she willingly gave him her hand.**

**The night air felt welcoming on his face as they walked along the shoreline in silence, he kept telling himself now was the best time to say something, anything about how he felt.**

**“Can I ask you something?” she asked him breaking this silence first. “If you don’t mind I mean”**

**“Sure, ask away” He replied looking at her, seeing she was nervously twisting her fingers together.**

**“Have you ever… I mean do you ever think that maybe” She began not knowing how to form the question now. “I mean have you ever wondered what could be between us if I weren’t a mage and you weren’t a Templar.” She finally managed to ask him, feeling as if she couldn’t breathe waiting for his answer.**

**Rubbing the back of his neck nervously he started to reply “Well, I mean of course I have, more often than I should admit. I’m not good at this, for that, I apologize.” His breathing became hard, ragged as he stepped closer to her, reaching his hand up to her cheek brushing away a strand of Auburn hair from her eyes. “I’d never thought or dreamt this would be possible before you, that day when Conway assaulted you, until now being a Templar, serving the maker was my sole purpose.” He let his hand linger on her soft skin, noticing the sharp intake of air she took with the contact from him. “Have you ever thought about it?” he asked her. Blushing she stepped even closer to him, Looking up into his amber eyes mere inches from each other she replied “It’s not been far from my mind these last few days. You’re not like the other Templars, there is a softness, kindness in your eyes, your touch.” Reaching her hand towards his chest she let her hand come to rest over the spot of where his heart would be. She could feel how rapidly his heart beat, how ragged his breathing became at her touch.**

**He cupped her cheek, bringing her face closer to his, as something unseen drew them closer. Gently he began kissing her lips. Slowly using his tongue to part hers, as she began sucking his bottom lip in-between her teeth. She circled her hands around his neck, running her nimble fingers through the back of his hair. Their kissing quickened as he moved his arms around her waist bringing her even closer to him as if they couldn’t get close enough. Feverishly darting their tongues together, his head swimming with emotions. Praying that by the maker this was actually happening.**

**Reluctantly he broke their kiss still holding her close to him, as he looked down at her face, lit by the moonlight. His gaze fell upon her eyes, that sea of green he seemingly could get lost in for hours. “As much as I hate to, we’d better get back inside”**

**Without saying anything she reached up kissing him again, with an urgent need. He let out a low moan when her tongue darted into his mouth again, as she tangled her fingers in his hair. He pulled her even closer causing a light yet surprised moan from her lips against his own. He let his mouth trail towards her neck, to her ear, nibbling on her earlobe, bringing an even more audible moan from her. As he felt himself getting lost in this embrace, with each moan from her causing a reaction deep inside him, a need something completely foreign to him.**

**“Maker** preserve **me” Breathlessly he whispered against her ear. As he felt her digging her nails into his back, the more he nibbled on her ear or neck. He didn’t understand why but everything she did made him want her more, he knew if they didn’t calm down soon he would go farther. He wanted her, but the gentleman in him won out as he released her from his embrace.**


	4. Calm before the storm

**A restless quiet set over them as they walked along the shoreline of the lake. He wondered if he’d been dreaming again, but dared not pinch himself just in case he actually was dreaming. Knowing he’d have a foolish grin on his face the rest of the for seeable future he had to chuckle to himself. Ander’s would be having a great time of this. Turning to open the tower doors he gazed as Solana for a moment, her auburn hair falling over her shoulders and a smile on her delicate lips with a glint in her eyes. “After you” he gestured for her as he opened the heavy steel doors.**

**As soon as she saw Anders she had to tell him. “It was so sweet” she recalled their moment. “For a moment I wasn’t a mage, he wasn’t a Templar and this world was ideal” Her voice trailed off as she thought.**

**“Solana,” Anders began “Do you truly think he is honest about his feelings? I mean can you trust him?” he inquired his voice laced with worry for his friend. “Not that I’m not happy for you but I worry.”**

**“Sure he’s honest, he’d never hurt me” She laughed as she turned to Him sitting on the floor of her room. “I wouldn’t say it’s love but maker only knows where it will lead, ” she said as she picked up a book on types of demons she may face in her Harrowing. Her test was tomorrow and she felt more at ease about it after the night before. “He’s got a calming sense about him you know?” she asked Anders.**

**“Solana he’s a Templar, it’s kind of part of what and who he is” He laughed as he answered her “I mean that’s what he does”**

**“Not like that, you know what I mean!” she curtly replied before turning her head to face away from him. She didn’t want him to see her embarrassed, Of course, she knew it was part of what he did, but last night it was different, she couldn’t explain how but it was.**

**“Look as long as you are happy that’s all that matters right?” he queried of her.**   
**“Alright so let’s finish this studying now, however, ” she said changing the subject.**

**Quiet fell over them as they became engrossed in their studies, their minds entranced on the task at hand. Sadly one that every mage has to face, a fight to keep alive in a world that hates them, despised them and wanted nothing more than to rid the world of them all.**

**************

**Cullen stood alongside The Knight Commander and Irving, who were greeting a grey warden by the name of Duncan. Gregor the Knight Commander asked the warden if he’d be testing the Templars to join their order, Duncan however, seemed to have different plans. He explained that he was interested in mages. Then his heart fell as he heard Irvin mention Solana, how she was exceptional among the mages, that she’d be perfect for their order. To Cullen’s horror Duncan agreed saying he’d love to meet her. He felt his heart beat quicken with fear, as he tried to show otherwise. Quickly he excused himself to his rooms. His mind swimming, his heart aching. He’d finally found his footing to act on his feelings and like that, they were going to take her away. He couldn’t follow, he was tied to the tower to his duty.**

**He dug through his drawers of his meager possession’s and found his amulet, the one his mother had given him when he passed the final tests of Templar training. Engraved on the front was a faded embodiment of Andraste praying. Tied to a thick leather strap, he put it in his pocket. Telling himself if all else failed and they took her away from him he was going to give it to her. As he opened his door Gregor stood in front of him, a Scowl upon his aged face, not that he had any other look.**

**“Knight Commander” Cullen stated as he stood at attention and saluted. “To what to, I owe this honor Ser?”**

**“Tomorrow is Miss Amell’s harrowing you will be there, to strike the blow if she becomes possessed” Gregor grinned as he spat the orders at him, without another word he spun on his heels and walked away. Leaving Cullen standing there with his mouth open in shock and fear.**

**He felt his stomach turn as the thought of his orders swirled around in his mind. He couldn’t refuse, yet there was no way he could strike her. Eventually his walking** lead **him to the chapel as he sat in front of the praying area he knelt and began praying to Andraste, the maker at this point anyone who’d listen.**

**At this point he felt desperate, conflicted between whatever he may be feeling and the order he’d spent his whole life following. As most prayers go there was no answer, he knew he shouldn’t feel jaded by that. There were more pressing matters, a blight, and blood magic and so on. But if the world was going to fall apart anyway why couldn’t the maker just answer a prayer or two he thought as he stood to leave.**

**“They say she’s really talented” He heard a female mage say. “That Templar Cullen he’s always with her, makes you wonder why” Hearing his name he stopped to listen to their conversation.**

**“Of course, he would, you know he’s infatuated with her.” Came a rude reply and he had to smile. “That’s not a mage talent, that’s a female talent” at that he had to laugh as he turned around and walked towards the two ladies.**

**“First off ladies, she is rather talented. Second off before you smear another woman’s reputation and name make sure you know the full truth. Get back to your duties, there is enough busy talk for one day” He couldn’t hide his smirk. These women were jealous of her, of him and how he felt and it was funny.**

**He walked back to his room, to sleep, hide or more hopefully disappear. No chance on that because as he opened the door there stood Anders. Great, he sighed to himself, this was all he needed. “What do you want Anders?” he asked flatly.**

**“I’m here to talk to you about Solana"**   
**Anders said adding “If you really care about her, then I’m glad and happy for you two. If this is some cruel Templar joke or game then be prepared I will kick your ass.”**

**“First off that would be funny, but no it’s no game. I’ve no intention of ever hurting her. Sadly when she passes her harrowing Gregor and Irvin may allow her to be conscripted into the Grey wardens. Don’t tell her at all. She can’t know, it will only distract her during her test.” The weight of his words seemed to linger in the air between the two now silent men as they pondered what that would mean.**

**“You mean if she passes” Anders stated breaking the silence.**   
**“She’ll pass Anders,” Cullen said “They’ve demanded I be the Templar to strike the blow if she doesn’t. You know I won’t do that, but I’ve no choice.” He finished as he waited for Anders to reply.**

**“Those bastards, Templar arrogant bastards” Anders Seethed with anger “he’s doing this to punish you.”**

**“Yep, he is and there is nothing I can do to stop him” Cullen sat on the edge of his bed hanging his head as he felt the gravity of the situation on his shoulders. “I don’t want to, but I have to. So pray Anders. Pray and keep praying” he told the mage as he let his weary frame fall on his standard issue bed.**

**He let his eyes fall closed as he tried to will the stresses of this day away. He pulled his brothers coin out of his pocket and began tossing it in the air above him and catching it when it fell. As the evening came he decided it was time to get his dress armor ready and polished. He took great care with each piece, polishing it too a shine and placing it on his armor stand. After he was done he walked over to his small window and for an unknown amount of time he stared at the lake being engulfed by the evening fog rolling in, the beauty of nature that never stopped. He’d spent much of his life devoted to the Templar Order, but now it was different. He’d seen the spite in Gregor’s face as he ordered him to strike the killing blow. He knew aged Templars could be cynical but this was almost demonic in its form.**

**But who was he to question his commander? Was that even possible? He wondered as he was jolted back to the waking world with a knock on his door.**

**“Ser, the mess hall is closing for the night if you’d like to get something” An elven servant stood there telling him.**

**“No thank you I’ll be fine thanks though” Cullen told her, knowing he couldn’t eat. Not with all of this on his mind. On his soul, and his aching heart, there’d be no eating, and surely no sleeping either.**


	5. Test Of Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solana takes her Harrowing and life as she knows it changes...

****

It had been a long, sleepless night for her. She was excited, scared and worried. She’d not seen Cullen since that night, it was like he was avoiding her for some reason. But knowing that she had to pass her Harrowing she decided that she’d have to worry about that later. As she got up and readied herself to meet Irvin and the others at the Harrowing chamber she chose to wear her circle robes, and put her hair up in a tight bun, letting a few strands fall in the front. She tried not to think of the terror that filled her, knowing that should she fail, should she become possessed a Templar would eagerly be waiting, shinning sword in hand to cut her life short. As she walked out of her dorms she noticed that many mages were watching her as she walked the halls toward the stairs, she heard the whispering and gossiping of all her mages as she silently walked the path laid before her.

 

            She nervously knocked on the chamber door, her hands shaking as she prayed silently entering the harrowing chamber. She saw Irvin, Gregor and a fully armored Templar knight. The knight wore a helmet that covered his face completely, as if he did not want her to see his face. Was he hiding from her? No, surely not, this had to be normal right? She thought. Her attention jarred from her query as she heard Irvin begin explaining the harrowing and why all mages had to be tested.

 

            “I am ready” she told her instructor steadily, more so than she felt.

 

 

 

(6) A changed world

 

 

            “No, demon away!” she shouted as she was startled awake by an apprentice.

“Solona, it’s me Jowan” came a sheepish statement, as she tried to right herself from the nightmare.

“Jowan, did I pass? “she asked

“Yes, lucky you” he replied voiced tinged with jealousy “I’ve not been called for mine and I’ve been here longer than you”

“Trust me yours will come,” she told her friend as she stood up.

“Well, Irvin asked me to get you when you woke, said he needs to speak to you,” he told her.

“Thanks, then I’d better not keep him waiting” she smiled.

“When you’re done can we talk in the chantry?” Jowan asked her.

“Sure, just let me finish speaking to Irvin” she replied as she began heading towards the hallway that lead to the first enchanter’s rooms.

 

“They say she’s talented, that Templar Cullen said it was the quickest cleanest Harrowing he’d ever seen” a female apprentice began gossiping to another, “He said she was not even scared”

 

“Of course he’d say that” the other apprentice replied,over hear” he’s been in love with her since he first saw her when he started working our dorms.” She heard the other apprentice sarcastically remark, and she wondered how Cullen would’ve known how her Harrowing went. Her face reddened as she realized he had been the knight. Tears threatened to flow as she walked the hallway towards Irvin’s office.

 

            As she inched her way towards the open door soverhearIrvin, Gregor and an unknown man’s voice speaking and arguing. “First Enchanter, you wished to see me” she inquired as she entered not knowing if she were interrupting them. She scanned the room, the unknown man wore a Commander of the Grey Wardens armor, this must be the warden Duncan, she thought. “Should I come back?”

 

“Ah, yes child do come in!” Irvin’s weary voice greeted her. “Solana Amell allow me to introduce Duncan, commander of the Ferelden Grey wardens”

 

            “Pleased to meet you My lady” Duncan bowed as he greeted her.

            “Likewise” She curtsied as she responded.

“Solana, has just passed her Harrowing. She is now a full-fledged Mage of the circle, here is your robes and ring” Irvin continued handing her the newly pressed robes.

“Thank you First enchanter” she replied gratefully “It’s an honor”

“Then this is the mage we spoke of earlier?” Duncan queried of his old friend

“Yes, this is she!” Irvin exclaimed “very talented, her phylactery will be sent to Denerim today”

 

 “Child would you be so kind as to escort Duncan back to his rooms please?” he asked Solana.

 

“My pleasure Ser” she dutifully replied as she turned to escort their guest back to his rooms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Saddened and worried she made her way back to the library, still in shock that Cullen had been the Knight there. Would he have actually taken the killing blow? She found herself wondering. Would he have been able to separate his affection for her and his duty to the chantry? This she did not know. The longer she pondered this the more upset she became until she had to know. So she started walking to where she’d seen Cullen standing guard outside her dorms.

 

             “Hello… Uh… Ms. Amell” He stuttered as she walked up to him.

“Cullen, why are you stuttering?” She asked confused. “can we talk in private, it’s urgent?”

She continued.

“In private? ah sure in my room” he shyly replied. “This way my lady” he gestured. Silently he hoped she didn’t know he had been the Templar.

 

            “I took my harrowing today” she softly spoke, the dim candle light illuminating her saddened features. “I know you were the Templar in there today.”

 

            He could see for a moment the faint shimmer of a tear trickle down her cheek as she turned to face him. “Yes, I was the Templar. I had no choice Solana. Gregor commanded me to do so, and I am but a servant to the maker, chantry and the order.” His reply sounded more assured than he felt. He knew he’d never have taken the killing blow, even if it had meant his own death. “He knows how I feel about you; it was an order to shake me.” He trailed off as he turned away from her. He couldn’t look her in the eyes.

 

            “Then, you would’ve killed me?” she asked him reaching for his arm. “Knows how you feel? Cullen, what aren’t you telling me?” she pushed him for answers feeling as if her harrowing wasn’t going to be the hardest test of her life.

 

            “Makers breath, this is not how I imagined telling you. I wanted to wait for the right time. To have a plan, to be more certain of how you feel. But I’ve gone and said it now.” He said facing her, his amber eyes softening as he gazed upon her questioning face, knowing this wasn’t going to be easy. “Look, I’m sure someone has told you. Maker knows there isn’t any secrets here. I’m in love with you, can’t hide it.” He nearly spat out as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. _Andraste preserve me why is she taking so long to answer?_ He thought. “Shit Solana say something please?” he begged when he could no longer wait for an answer.

            “You. You love me? I hadn’t even hoped you’d feel the same” she managed to reply.

A silence fell between them as they both seemingly pondered what this would mean. He a Templar her a mage in a world where they were taught to hate one another. She wasn’t allowed to have a normal life, with love and family. How cruel was this going to be?

 

            “All that matters is that you feel the same” he finally spoke breaking the silence, closing the distance between them as he stroked a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “I hadn’t thought it possible to tell the truth. But here we are.” His voice trailing off as he pulled her in close to his chest. “What a pair we make?” he chuckled as he joked.

 

            “You know they’re going to separate us if they find out? I mean that’s what they do” She spoke as she broke away from him. “You’ll be sent away and then what’s going to happen? Maker knows I’d be better off if I’d died in the fade today” Turning away from him she said.

 

            “You can’t say that!” he told her,” besides they’re thinking of sending you to the grey wardens” he blurted out, not like she wasn’t going to find out. “I won’t be able to go since they don’t want Templars and are looking for mages this time” he finished as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I overheard Gregor and Irvin talking to Duncan the commander of the Wardens”

 

            “I know I just met him” her reply came as almost a whisper, had he not been so close he’d not have heard it. “I doubt they’re looking at me anyway” she said turning to face him. Her tears fell as if she had no control over them.

 

            “we’ll find a way to make it work, they can’t take forever” he replied drying her tears, Knowing full well they could and probably would. The chantry hated lovers between a mage and Templar of the Order. They always did everything in their power to stop it. He’d seen it many times and thought it was cruel of them but always kept quiet. “Here I want you to have this, it was my mother’s” he said handing her a worn pendant of Andraste tied to a leather strap. “It’s all that I have” he continued tying it around her neck.

 

            “But Cullen, it’s yours. I couldn’t possibly…” she started but before she could finish he kissed her and began walking away.

 

            “I’ll see you as soon as I can” he whispered as he left the room.

 

           

 


	6. So it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (still a work in progress bare with me)

**Solana took a moment to compose herself, she’d need to meet Jowan for maker only knew what this time. She understood he wanted to take his harrowing but she was at a loss for what she could do or say to comfort his fears. She made her way down the long hallways past the library and the study rooms towards the chantry where Jowan was waiting. As she walked up she saw a sister standing with him, Lilly she wondered what the sister had to do with this? Why would Jowan want to meet in the chantry? It was the Templars favorite hangout.**

**“Jowan, what’s going on?” she questioned, “Hello Lilly how are you?”**


End file.
